Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Not dormant.

Yes, it seems like this has become a dormant blog, but not really. Blogging will be light until I catch up on the rest of my life. Now, when Glenn Reynolds says that, he means something less than 25 posts a day. When I say it, it means something less than one post every five days. Sigh. (Update: When I say less than one post every five days, I mean, that's what it was this past week. However, I plan to post every day from now on! So many good books to post about, and so many good links sent by friends. So, stay tuned...!)

But a couple quick things for today:

1) I heard Brian Williams at the beginning of the NBC Nightly News yesterday; he asked, in reference to the tsunami, the west coast rains and mudslides, the volcanic eruptions: "Is our planet trying to tell us something?"

Oh yeah, Brian. It's saying, "Oh no, don't hurt me anymore! Don't drive your SUV's! They're KILLING me!" You know, I think if every human on the planet drove 100 miles a day in the biggest SUVs ever made, it couldn't cause anything other than maybe a little more smog in LA. It certainly couldn't cause an earthquake, not even a teeny tiny one, much less a 9-point-something, under-the-ocean killer quake.

Now for the kicker: Turns out the conclusion of the story was "No", the planet isn't trying to tell us anything. So, the question that Williams asked at the beginning of the broadcast was a classic teaser. And just as meaningless.

2) This morning, on the NBC Today show, a news items was that the government announced new diet guidelines. They're shocking, and might just change your life. Are you ready? You're sure?

It's this: Watch your caloric intake and exercise daily.

No, really. That's it. Hope it didn't shock you too much. Thank God we have NBC to bring us this important news.

3 comments:

Jason said...

"Watch your caloric intake and exercise daily."

What? No! That can't be right. It can't be that simple. What about the latest fad diet out of California that everyone is raving about?

Anonymous said...

Of coure that can't be it - that would imply that I'M responsible for being overweight - ME!!!!

There has to be more to it than they reported, because I'm sure there is someone out there that is responsible for me being overweight.

All for now - I have to go look for someone to blame...

pmm

Anonymous said...

Hi, it's me, Terra Firma. When I discovered that Brian Williams wasn't sure if I was trying to tell you something, I realized that if a sharp cookie like the NBC anchor wasn't getting the message, how could anyone who's not a card-carrying member of GreenPeace? So I've decided to communicate directly to all the people all around the "me" by posting to this blog.

First off, you're fortunate to live on a talking planet, I could tell you stories about some of my stoic relatives - Jupiter, for instance, hasn't spoken to anyone in thousands of years - always too busy with all his moons to even send a meteorite greeting to say, "Hi ya 3rd rock, how's it going with all that 'humanity' business of yours?"

Secondly, look, I spent a long time and a lot of my surface area growing all these different type of plants and trees. I supply all sorts of resources here for shelter and quality of life. So quit strapping yourselves to the trees to 'save' them and stop being weak-kneed -- use it or lose it. I'm very close to sending some more lightning strike forest fires just to teach you a lesson.

Next, a related issue: it’s tough applying enough pressure to decaying items to make oil and coal, you think it's easy, try it sometime. I have tons of this stuff lying around that you aren't even tapping into -- it's great stuff for heating, transportation, electricity. Again, why are you losing your nerve about getting at it?

All this squeezing of material below the surface, handling all this water and ice, not to mention the magnetism. Oy, the magnetism! It's only natural for me to blow off a little steam or shift in my chair a little. So sometimes stuff sloshes around, sorry about that. Despite the appearance of fury in some of these incidents, I hope you can understand that I'm not a person like 'Mother Nature' or 'Old Man Winter' and that I don't have feelings such as rage, in fact, I'm not even cognizant. I'm just a place that God created which operates within the laws of Physics for you all to work and live on -- you play out your dramas and I supply the atmosphere - get it? Atmosphere, I kill me!

Finally, I'm way bigger and more resilient than you might think. Hit me with your best shot, what are you going to do, leak some Freakin' Freon to eat my ozone?! Oh, I quaking in my boots about that one! Ha, ha, quaking! Who am I with all the jokes, Shecky Green - get it GREEN?! Anyway, sorry about the recent mishaps but don't worry, I'm in great shape -- I'm supporting 6 billion of you with no sweat, aren't I?. Try doing that Mars, oh wait, you're too cold!

Love,
Earth